I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
