Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He passed out mid-signature
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
