I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
