I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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