I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
