you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
