put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
