Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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