batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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