you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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