he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
