You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
