Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
