She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
