for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
