did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
