I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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