I'm pants shitting drunk right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
