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I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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