i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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