CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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