I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
