I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
