You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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