you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
