I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
