all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize