Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
