Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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