Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
