I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
