is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
