Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
