I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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