Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
