I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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