you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
