I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
