Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
