Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
