I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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