it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
