okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
