so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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