I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
