i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
