i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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