You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
