I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
