he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love accidental penises.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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