nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Buhtt sex?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
