i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
