I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize