Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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