She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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