So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
