My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
