hotel room ftw
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
