If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I love having hate sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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