i was born a porn star she said
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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